Most of this days work is done and the wait for the moment to go home has started. Going home, well home here not home home. One more day at the office and than finally back home to Holland for a couple of busy days. Well busy when it stops raining otherwise I will drown in the mud. Lately it seems that the weather is all about rain, be it in showers, persistent or frequently.

This morning I was told that the paperwork was send to my home address. It is the end of a busy period, too busy sometimes. But what now, now this is finished. The next paperwork is around the corner but it is far less stressful as the first round. There is this strange feeling of not having to check the site of what has happened daily with other people, the run to the letterbox to see if there is anything in the mail, sitting next to the phone or the fax. All this stuff leaves me with an almost empty feeling. What I noticed is that I am not the same person anymore, this work, these months they have changed me. My once so sunny mood has become a somewhat clouded one.
First I was afraid of my relationship being the cause of this, as I am starting this new and unknown part of our lives. Looking very closely to all that happened I figured out that the stress of all this government business transformed my life to this.

Friday when I will be at home it will be time to relax. From work and private issues, I need my energy for the time ahead.

"Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow."
Douglas Pagels

For me I hope my marriage is somehow the pot of gold, and I think everybody in a relationship hopes for that. Like many other couples we said our vows and I would like to believe the words we used are everything we wanted the other to know about how we approach the coming years together. From the moment I got serious about the fact of wanting to be in a relationship I never changed my thought about one thing. What ever happens, I can never promise the person I love that it will be forever. Sure I can try, or let’s be honest if I feel that way it can be forever, I just can not promise it. This thought has not changed from the moment I realized this, however hard I tried. The last few years I have sometimes felt ashamed of that, but after a good period of thinking I came to the conclusion that in a relationship truth is the driving factor. By being honest I think I can life very well with the fact.

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."

Time didn’t fly when we were waiting for the papers, now they have the days just seem to fly faster as I can handle things. Bills need to be paid, letters and emails answered, people need to be called back. Normally I was able to get it all in, today I found out that sh*** I am too late to call or forgot to send, lucky me I didn’t forget to breath. A few more days and night, before I am expected at the airport, it feels like I am running out of time to get all the things done before he arrives.

I am rushing again just to be able to relax, what if I relax now? Well the bed will not be made, the rooms will not be clean and the groceries will find them selves on the same shelf waiting for me to pick them up for a one way ride. Better to get some rest while I am at work so I have the energy when I am off the coming week. Looking around me there is not much happening in the office, but I have to rush even to drink my coffee, because the air-conditioning is cooling it faster than I would like. This also means that my coffee break isn’t relaxed anymore, so what still is?

I do need time to think about that one!